Sun and Stars and Moon
by aristocraticartist
Summary: You hate the way he looks at her, and when Barry comes to see what's wrong, it all comes pouring out. NOT CYNCO! VERY ANGST!


_Authors note; Wow, I suck at writing angst! It's all happy endings here, folks._

 _Big sorry to Cynco shippers._

 _ **Big huge trigger warning!** Mentions of being suicidal in this fanfiction. I apologize but writing this stuff is one of my coping skills so please bear with me. _

You really, really hated Gypsy.

It took a lot of work, and a lot of courage to come to terms that you liked Cisco. And, of course, the day you were planning on asking him on a date, she shows up.

Now everything is gypsy this, gypsy that, gypsy whatever. So, you shut yourself in your lab, and tried to drown the awful feeling in your chest in new tech.

It was already bad enough that everyone idolized her so much, but the situation got worlds worse when Barry came into your lab one evening.

"Hey, (y/n), we were gonna go for a team dinner since Cindy decided she's going to stick around for awhile. You coming?" You felt your heart sink just a little bit deeper into your stomach.

"No. I have things I need to work on." Barry noticed that you sounded cold and detached, his eyebrows furrowing in the signature 'worried west family member' expression.

"You sure? You haven't come out with us in almost a month…" He trailed off when he saw your grip tighten on the screwdriver.

"I am fine right where I am, Barry."

"You've taken that same pistol apart three times this week." The speedster came up to your desk, the worried expression only deepening. "Please talk to me. You haven't even come up to the cortex at all today, and everyone is starting to worry-"

"That's a flat lie, Barry. Everybody is too busy to worry about me right now. They have better things to focus on." You set down the screwdriver as gently as you possibly could with hands that really just wanted to punch something.

"Iris was the one who suggested I come see you." His sympathetic gaze felt like it was burning into your skull. You hated the feeling.

"Please just go have your fun team dinner. I have leftovers at home that I need to eat anyways." You started to tear up a little bit, swallowing repeatedly to try and keep the emotions in.

Barry was silent for a long time before nodding slowly.

"...okay. I don't know what's going on, but if you need to talk about it, just text me and I'll be there, ok?" His hand came to rest on your shoulder, warm and comforting.

The dam broke.

It all came rushing out, about Cisco and Gypsy and all the hurt festering in your chest, with a rush of tears and snot and blubbering to come with it. Barry darted out and grabbed a tissue box for you, since you had just run out.

Once all that needed to be said was said, you just cried for a little while, and Barry enveloped you in a hug.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know." He held you tightly, and you just sniffled into his shoulder.

"I don't know what to do, Barry." You sobbed, finally running out of tears to cry. "I can't even look at him anymore."

"I know how you feel." You nodded, burying your face in his shirt. Barry was probably the only person who could really understand your plight; he had, obviously, gone through the same problem with Iris. Only with you, Cindy wasn't going to be sacrificing herself to save you all from a future relative or even just going away anytime soon.

"What do I do?" Your voice was weak and shaky, and Barry sighed softly.

"I don't know. But I will help you figure it out, okay?" You nodded as you pulled away out of the hug. Barry helped you put yourself back together and walked you to your car.

Cisco noticed it on one of his security cameras, since motion in the parking lot sent him an alert.

He opened the feed and watched you hug Barry for a fairly long time, the wet spot on the shoulder of his shirt growing visibly. Cisco furrowed his brows in confusion.

Usually he had been the one you would come crying to in the past, not Barry.

Although, when he thought about it, he hadn't actually talked to you much lately.

Cisco made a mental note to fix that before putting it all out of his mind and getting up to go get ready for dinner.

Dinner was fantastic. Everyone had a blast sharing appetizers and getting smashed on fancy wine. Once it was all over, everyone filtered out, and Cisco and Gypsy walked out hand in hand. Barry jogged after them.

"Hey, Cisco. I gotta talk to you."

"Sure dude, what's up?" He asked, Cindy turning with him.

"Alone. Please." Cindy gave a quiet nod and walked away, jogging to catch up with Iris and family. Barry dragged Cisco into an alley and gave a worryingly heavy sigh.

"Ok dude, what's so important that you couldn't say it in front of her?" Cisco crossed his arms in agitation.

"Can you vibe the past?" Barry was blunt, and he seemed upset.

"Well sure but-"

"Look at where I was before dinner before you say another word." Cisco frowned at Barry's attitude, but did it anyways.

Suddenly, he was there, in your lab, and confused as all hell. You were crying your eyes out as you spoke to Barry, who just looked like his heart was breaking for you. Cisco moved in closer to listen, and felt the same sad expression take up residence on his face when he heard what you were saying.

"- and then Gypsy shows up in all her stupid interdimensional viber glory and I'm just a normal human, and I don't have any cool powers, and I'm not even that pretty especially compared to her and I, I just, I can't do this anymore Barry!" You let out a particularly hard sob, hugging yourself tightly. "How can I just sit there and watch the person I love be in love with someone else?"

Barry gave a slow nod, and mid-vibe Cisco stepped back in shock. You got quieter, the tears just flowing instead of racking your body with emotional convulsions.

"Every time he looks at her like that, like she's the sun and the stars and the moon and everything in between I just want to die. Not really, but still. It feels like it would feel better to be dead." Barry helped you dab your face with a tissue as Cisco tore himself out of the vision.

"Oh my god." He whispered.

Barry just nodded, his jaw set in a feeling he couldn't quite place. Cisco felt a tear slide down his own cheek.

"I felt like you needed to know." Barry put a hand on his shoulder comfortingly for a few seconds.

Cisco was silent for a really long time, and Barry stood with him as his best friend processed what was happening.

"What have I done?" Cisco finally whispered, putting his face in his hands.

"I think that's a question only you can answer." With that, Barry flash-ed away, leaving Cisco in the alley with his feelings.

It took a long time for him to collect himself, but once he did, Cisco knew he had to do something.

You heard the familiar sound of a breach being opened and whimpered, pressing a pillow around your head and trying to pretend it didn't happen. An empty tub of ice cream sat on your coffee table while a kids movie played on the TV. You thought it might help you feel better, but it wasn't doing much.

Even through the pillow, you heard your visitor take off their shoes by the door and walk towards your form on the couch. They stood behind it, silent.

"Cindy, if you're here to gloat, I'm going to throw myself out the window." You sounded congested and miserable. Cisco sucked in a breath.

"She wouldn't do that." He softly spoke, coming around to stand by the couch.

"Great. Now I can never trust Barry with a secret again." You grumbled, turning over so you couldn't see him. "Please just leave. I can only take so much in one day."

Cisco was silent for a few seconds. You heard your movie pause, then you heard him kneel down next to you on the floor.

"It's not Barry's fault. I vibed it. I didn't realize you felt like that." You felt his hand brush your shoulder, and you flinched, making him lift it away.

"If you're trying to let me down gently you're not doing a very good job." You wrapped the blanket tighter around yourself, trying as hard as you could not to start crying again.

"I broke up with her."

The air got sucked out of your lungs in confusion.

"What?"

"I talked to Cindy, and we agreed I should listen to my heart wherever it's trying to take me." Cisco's hand came to rest on your arm again. You turned back to face him, and he felt his heart sink when he saw how ragged you looked from crying.

"If this is a joke it's really not funny."

He just stared at you, brushing away a stray lock of hair that was damp with tears.

It took a second, but eventually it clicked.

It was the look. The same one you cried about earlier today; as if you were the sun and the stars and the moon and everything in between.

"I haven't looked at you in such a long time that I forgot how beautiful you are."

You huffed in disbelief.

"I used to sit and wonder how I was so lucky to have such an amazing person as a best friend and a lab partner and it didn't even cross my mind to risk losing the friendship we had for something like a date. And then I went and ruined it over a woman I've known for barely a year." You closed your eyes as he brushed a thumb over your cheek, his hand warm and soft on your jaw.

"But now that I can just step back and really look, as wonderful as she is, you are everything I have ever wanted and more and I don't know why it took so long for me to know that." Cisco sounded like he was going to cry himself, and you placed your hand over his.

"I messed up. I messed up big time, and I don't know if I can fix it, but I'd be honored if you'd let me try." His voice cracked and the tears flowed, and you launched yourself into his arms. The two of you cried together for what seemed like an eternity. Cisco held you in his arms long enough for the tv screensaver to kick in. In the darkness, you pulled back and just looked at him.

"I'm in love with you." Your voice was still shaky and hoarse. Cisco slid up onto the couch with you, and you climbed into his lap. He answered you with the softest of kisses to your cheek.

"Wanna finish your movie?" He asked, adjusting so that the two of you were in a comfy place to just sit together and snuggle. You nodded, and he got the remote and restarted the movie.

"Don't let go. Please." You murmured, curling into Cisco's chest as he wrapped his arms around you.

"I won't. I promise."


End file.
